Chapter 4 of "Finding our Forever" Book2 of the Forever series

Chapter 4

Carson Bradley

Hayden and I march into the conference room of Steward Lab to find five intimidating, strapping men suited up in black tactical gear, t-shirts and cargo pants. Their expressions are all uncompromising—not a single sign of emotion. “Mr. Bradley,” a man with an embellished Greek alpha symbol tattooed on the back of his right forearm greets. He must be the team leader, Alpha, whom Owen has been talking about. Reaching his hand out to me, he grips mine firmly with his eyes locked sternly on mine. I return him with the same confident stare. Glancing over to the other men, I spot Greek symbol tattoos on their right forearms as well. This is probably some kind of an initiation or a commitment they made to be part of this elite team in addition to many other rigorous requirements I assume.

“Good morning, Alpha. Would you like to introduce your team?” I suggest before taking my seat at the head of the oval table. As I scrutinize each of the men’s unsmiling expressions, I notice they all have an identical look: same brawny physique, buzzed cut, facial hair, and dark sunglasses tucked on the neckline of their t-shirts. Immediately after Alpha takes his seat, they all sit down synchronously. Hayden seems to be in awe as he gapes at their militant conduct in a daze.

“I’m the team leader,” Alpha commences. “To my right are Beta and Delta and to my left are Gamma and Kappa. We lost Chi and Epsilon two years ago,” Alpha explains as the men raise their fisted forearms with Greek symbols to acknowledge who’s who. They then place two fingers to their hearts and signal the number two in the air. I’m guessing out of respect for the two lost brothers.

“Welcome gentlemen. I appreciate you taking on this mission. The goal is to safely retrieve my two researchers without attracting any attention to Bradley Pharmaceutical Corporation. After you find the culprits, I will seek legal actions against them. No brutal force should be used unless absolutely necessary. I’ll leave that discretion with Alpha,” I rattle off my stipulations, and they all respectfully nod their heads in agreement, acknowledging my authority. Even though those perpetrators have been nothing, but trouble for me, I still don’t want to see any bloodshed. I shift their attention over to Hayden who’s now furiously tapping the keys on his laptop. “This is Mr. Carter. He will now brief you with the data he’s collected.” Hayden darts his eyes from his computer screen to tag each set of probing eyeballs staring at him.

Kappa is chosen to scout the enormous Montgomery estate for an entire week. He’ll monitor any unusual activities or visitors. The other four will rake through an approximate fifteen mile radius in the west region of Massachusetts where the signals were last detected. This will not be an easy task for anyone—combing through the mountainous terrain in this cold and wintery weather.

Glancing down at my watch, I notice that it’s almost lunch time, but our meeting is far from being completed. I pull my phone out to send Lil another quick text.

Miss your beautiful smile. X Carson

Is Isabella there yet?

Leaving Hayden to wrap up the meeting, I anxiously make my way over to the laboratory. Alex peeks her head up as the security door slides open for me after the scanner checks my eyes and palm prints. “Mr. Bradley, so good to see you!” she exclaims. “Samantha and I have been working around the clock to figure out the missing two fifths of the drug component. We’re finding that it’s almost next to impossible.”

“I appreciate all work you both have contributed. Now that I’m back, we can retrace the steps and figure it out together,” I assure Alex.

“Thank you, sir. I’m sure glad to have you back,” she replies with bashful eyes.

“It’s good to be back, Alex,” I tell her and head to my research area.

Four years ago before the five of us began our work on the Oss-Meta drug, we established some guidelines. We decided that we all have different strengths and expertise that we can focus on individually. We divided our study into five parts and agreed to leave concealed clues behind in case something happened to one of us. I plan on finding David and Paul’s clues. This is the only way to complete the formula if we don’t locate them.

Lillian Ly

Always running habitually late, Belle bangs on the side door around 2:30 p.m.—three hours after she told Luke she’d be here. I’m used to her tardiness, but poor Luke seemed quite agitated as the hours and minutes ticked away. Quickly glancing over the security screens for clearance, Luke rushes to the door to let her in. I can’t even see her face, hidden behind two large grocery bags and a pizza box, until Luke offers to take them from her.

“Lil…,” she pauses with her lips curled up on one side and with an empathetic expression. “I’m sorry…,” she pauses again and sighs. I assume that Hayden has already filled her in on my miscarriage.

“I’m okay. Let’s not talk about it or I won’t be,” I hastily reply. My eyes are so sore from sobbing that the thought of salty tears seeping past them sounds more torturous than emotionally relieving. “I’m so happy to see you, Belle,” I tell her as I coil my arms tightly around her like a Boa constrictor. My ribs are still tender, but I don’t care. I’ve missed her and everything that was normal to me. She checks me over with her attentive eyes before returning my squeeze with the solace of her embrace.

“I love you, girl. You know I’m available twenty-four seven,” she tells me as she rubs my back.

“I know,” I reply with a tighter squeeze around her shoulders. The weight of the world doesn’t seem as heavy at the moment now that I have one of my best friends here to help me brace it.

“The reason I’m so late is because I had to stop at the grocery store to pick up all our favorite comfort snacks: Twizzlers, Reese’s Peanut Buttercups, and plain M&M’s, potato chips, Oreos and white chocolate covered pretzels. The gallon of vanilla ice cream and toppings are for me,” Belle giggles and then releases her hold of me to walk over to the kitchen island where Luke placed her bags. “I also have something in here that’s sure to make you laugh for several hours,” she promises me as she digs into her brown bag to pull out two DVD movies. “The Princess Bride and 50 First Dates—our two most favorite movies in the world!” she shrieks.

Leave it up to my bestie to know how to cheer a gloomy girl up when I’m way below sea level. A sugar slash sodium rush is the ultimate cure for depression. This was how we dealt with our teenage crises. Why should the remedy be any different for us as adults?

“Before we dig into your mood-altering goodies, I should text Carson to let him know that you’re finally here with me. He’s texted several times to check on me and your whereabouts,” I rub her tardiness in, but it flies right over her carefree mind.

“Okay, hurry up or the cheese on the pizza won’t be gooey anymore,” Belle insists before waving Luke over for a slice. “Luke, come help yourself. There’s plenty of pizza here.”

“I will. You know how I like my cheese to be gooey,” I reply.

Craving to hear Carson’s soothing voice, I run back into the bedroom with the burner phone to call him. Admittedly, it’s my fault that we’ve been distant. I’ve been pushing him away, blaming him for things that were out of his control. I can’t help myself. To my stubborn mind, he seems to be the logical explanation for all my misfortunes. However, I’m an adult. I made the decision to stay with him even after discovering his background. So for me to hold every hardship that’s come my way against him is undeserved. Now if I can only convince my subconscious to rationalize like this, Carson and I can get back to happier times sooner.

I tap on his name and wait for him to pick up. “Hey,” he greets after the second ring. “Is Isabella there yet? What did you have for lunch?” he inquires with concern for the nth time. I feel terrible that he’s worried about my happiness in addition to completing his new drug product, running a multi-billion dollar empire and finding his missing employees.

“Yes, she finally made it here a few minutes ago with pizza,” I answer as I hang onto the warmth and depth of his tone.

“I’m glad to hear that she’s with you. I’ll probably be home late this evening,” he continues with hesitation. “I have a lot of catching up to do. I’m sorry,” he tells me with guilt resonating in his voice.

“I understand. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine,” I fib with a long face, knowing that he can’t see me. With so much practice lately, I’m getting better at lying every time that I do it.

“I can always have Luke bring you here to the lab,” Carson insists. “We can order carryout for dinner and eat it in my office, if you’d like.”

“No, that won’t be necessary. I’ll just be in your way,” I assure him.

“Lil, I promise I’ll make it up to you. Your happiness is all that matters to me,” he expresses sincerely, and I truly believe him.

“I know,” I agree softly.

“I love you, Angel. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Me too,” I reply in my usual round-a-bout way, avoiding those three intimidating words.

___________________

Belle pops in the first movie, The Princess Bride, before handing me a slice of extra gooey cheese pizza and a side of salty potato chips. It’s like old times again having Belle here with me. Luke insists on manning from his corner with his lunch. I assume he feels that he’s already disclosed too much of himself to me and besides, I don’t see him as a chick flick type of guy, anyways.

Mid-way through the movie, Belle tensely asks, “How are you feeling, girlie?” She appears to be antsy about something. Belle’s mood is predictable. If she’s not gibbering for more than five minutes then I know something is seriously wrong.

“Better,” I answer. “Why are you asking before Westley gives Princess Buttercup the most passionate kiss in history?” I question her.

“I want to tell you something before the happy ending comes,” she surrenders.

“Spill it, Missy, or you’ll have to suffer the consequences,” I tease her.

“Emma is pregnant. She’s getting married in two weeks,” she blurts in a single puff. From her tone and expression, I can tell it’s been eating her up inside, keeping this secret from me. And then the word pregnant hits me—hard. I drop my slice of pizza down on my lap and force welling tears back.

“How far along is she?” I ask, but not really wanting to know because I think it’ll crush me even more.

“Emi is going into the second trimester. I’m sorry, Lil. I know how tough this is for you,” Belle tries her best to be gentle. It is tough for me—tougher than I can convey in any form of expressions.

“Don’t be silly, I’m happy for her,” I assure Belle that I’m fine. “When and where’s the wedding? I won’t miss her special day for anything.” I plan on being there for Emma no matter what Carson says.

“Two weeks from Saturday at the Fort Wayne Embassy. She wanted to tell you, Lil, but with everything that happened to you, she didn’t know how to reach you,” Belle explains.

“It’s fine. I completely understand. I’ll talk to Carson about it when he gets home tonight.”

____________________

Around 7:45 p.m., I finally convince Belle to go home to Hayden. I already feel guilty for keeping her here with me all day.

“Call me if you need anything. And I mean anything at all,” she emphasizes.

“I will. Thanks, beautiful. You know how much you mean to me.”

“I do. Hang in there, girl,” Belle encourages with another hug. “I’ll come see you again as soon as I can.”

“Okay, but only if it doesn’t interfere with your life,” I stress. Belle should know that I don’t accept handouts easily even from my best friend. Walking her over to the pantry room, I watch Belle exit through the secret door. My burner phone sounds off and I know it’s probably a text from Carson.

Will be home soon, babe. Keep the bed warm for me. X Carson

I reply with a simple text.

See you then. XOX Lil

Even after watching 50 First Dates, my mood is still in a funk. I couldn’t laugh no matter how hard I tried. Emma’s pregnancy news is constantly coursing through my mind. I couldn’t help thinking that if I wasn’t in that accident, we would have our babies at around the same time. Again, those painful salty tears beg to come out, but I wouldn’t let them. I hate that I’ve been an emotional wreck lately. It’s not like me to be this pathetic.

Depressed, I tell Luke, “I’m tired. I’m calling it a night. Your evening shift will be boring. Why don’t you go home?” I suggest. “I’ll just be sleeping.”

“Not possible. I will stay here until Mr. Bradley gets back.” Luke slams my idea down immediately.

“Okay. Shoot yourself. I’ll see you in the morning. Night, Luke.”

“Goodnight, Miss…I mean Lily.”

Dragging my feet along the plush white carpet, I make my way to the bedroom which has become a lonely room lately. I hop into the shower, brush my teeth and then climb into Carson’s king-size bed which seems mammoth without him here with me. I crave the strength of his protective arms around me. I miss him, but not just physically. Mentally, we’ve been separated and it’s hurting us.

My eyes dart over to the digital clock. It’s almost 9:30 p.m. and no signs of Carson yet. He wasn’t exaggerating when he said he had a lot of catching up to do. The last text I received from him was around 8:00ish when he said he’d be home soon. Climbing out of bed to flip the nightlight on his side for him, I find my stuff giraffe, Sugar, wedged between the bed and the nightstand. I scoop it up and hug its plushness against my chest. Finally, all the hidden tears that I’ve been holding back streams down my cheeks over Sugar. I couldn’t be brave anymore. All the hurt and pain that I’ve been concealing from Carson burst open—with it came my fragmented heart.

Chapter 3 of book2, 'Finding our Forever'

'Finding our Forever'

by: Lan LLP

Chapter 3

Carson Bradley

I can’t believe I fucking lost it back there. The hurtful expression on her face stabbed my heart like a piercing scalpel, and I was the cause of it. The last thing she needs is an asshole shouting at her, making her doubt my unconditional love and support for her. My god, I’m slowly deteriorating. This fragile Carson hasn’t surfaced in fifteen years. I need to get a grip on myself before I push her even further away.

Leaving Lil to sleep in our bedroom, I retreat to my office to clear my mind and to call Luke for updates on Sasha and Bianca. I overheard Lil implying to Richard that she thought they could be involved with the accident. For reasons unknown, she didn’t elaborate on it. The subject switched course abruptly, cutting any further exchange of information. Rage goaded me to interrupt her to tear the phone from her hand and demand answers. But Lil had already stopped me once with her shaky palm, so I unwillingly submitted to her silent demand.

Unfortunately for Lil, this evening has been full of devastating news. I believe Richard did the honorable thing and confessed his involvement with those plaguing pictures. I’d rather suffer being forsaken in a vast ocean over and over again than to see her that upset. Her eyes welled up with emotions of deep, gouging wounds—the kind that’ll scar permanently. Why else would I have purposely avoided telling her about those pictures? Her heart is my priority. I’d sacrifice anything to shelter it from all agony. I knew Richard’s betrayal would destroy her, and I was right.

Thank god Owen was quick-witted to have Alpha retrieve those damaging pictures and destroy any possible duplication before they could fall into more wrong hands. I was in no condition to make any sound decision at that time. I was at my lowest point when I thought Lil had left me for Richard. My will to continue without her was demolished. I didn’t want to face another day knowing that she was no longer mine. I could barely stay sober long enough to partake in some of the charity functions that I had pledged to support. Fortunately, I had another person looking after me. My cousin Nikki slapped the self-pity and sulking out of me.

“Don’t make me get ugly. Being pathetic doesn’t suit you!” she roared and shoved me in a cold shower several times. “Where’s the bad-ass CEO who doesn’t fear anything or anyone? Show me that man!” she demanded as she stood next to me soaking wet as well. “Are you going to let some stupid pictures destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for?” she continued to shout as she shook me. I shrugged my shoulders, blinking my eyes against the damn water jetting down over us. “Carson, get your head out of your ass! If you love this girl, you need to fucking figure out what happened instead of drowning your sorrow in booze.”

She was absolutely right. I agreed to sober up for the final charity function and then drank my heart away afterwards. That was also the night that I decided to rip Lil’s heart apart like she did mine. I pretty much accused her of being a slut, playing me and Richard at the same. I made her cry, but it didn’t soothe my broken heart. In fact, it made me hate myself even more after she confessed she loved me—for the very first time. The wounded sound of her gentle voice was my wakeup call. After Nik’s intervention and Lil’s unexpected admission, I was able to clear my head and see Bianca for what she truly is.

Bianca is really a vile, coldblooded demon underneath that pretty face, and I fell for her cunning scheme like an idiot. First, the damn pictures and now, she’s possibly link to the accident that killed my unborn child. Apparently, she’ll do whatever it takes to get whatever she wants without any ethical boundaries. What she did, I will not easily forget and will never forgive. I’m a firm believer of an eye for an eye solution. That cruel beast will get what she deserves, and I won’t hold anything back either. I’ll have her declawed and caged up like a wild animal.   

While waiting for Luke to answer his phone, I log onto the computer to see his undercover pictures of Sasha and Bianca kissing each other on the screen—how interesting. These two are romantically linked. Things are clicking together and making perfect sense. I’ve always known that Bianca has no limits when it comes to sex. She’s kinkier than hell, pleading several times for a three or foursome. I never agreed. Even in my pathetic, lonely years, I still believed intimacy should only be shared between two people.

Luke answers, “Hello, sir. I followed Sasha to a bar in the downtown business vicinity after she stormed off from Bianca’s office crying. She’s hasn’t stop slamming shots of hard liquor for the past hour.” It appears that the lovers are experiencing a quarrel of some sort, and the vulnerable one is whom I’m interested in.

“It might seem that Sasha will break her silence sooner than I expect. Keep trailing her. I don’t think it’ll be long before we get what we need from her.”

“I will, sir. Anything else?” he confirms.

“No. Have a good evening.” After I disconnect from Luke, I skim over Owen’s memo for tomorrow’s meeting with the members of his team, Sanguis Frater: Alpha, Beta, Delta, Gamma and Kappa are their names. Alpha, the team leader, will report their progress directly to me or Owen. Hayden will brief them with information he had gathered right before the signals faded. After the meeting, I’m hoping to dedicate several good hours to the Oss-Meta drug project. Even with two contributing researchers absent, I have to press forward. I’m too close to helping thousands of people with bone cancer to give up. But at the moment, my direr dilemma is figuring out what to do with Lillian while I’m consumed with my work. Keeping her locked up in my penthouse indefinitely will not be an option for me. She’ll never go for that.

____________________

Being as quiet as possible, I slither under the sateen sheet, to find her back purposely turned to me and her arms wrapped around a pillow that should be me. Can I fault her being upset with me? No. I was out of line, shouting at her when I should’ve been comforting her. I reach my arms out to hold her, but quickly reel them back to my sides, knowing that the invisible barrier between us is there for a reason. She wants to be left alone. I kiss her cheek gently and roll onto my lonely side of the bed.

Restlessly, I toss and turn, struggling with anger and confusion. Lil’s brief conversation with her mother left me feeling disheartened as well as pissed. No woman has ever been ashamed of me. She denied that she loves me to her mother, thinking that I couldn’t understand her in Chinese. Singapore was my home for two years when the Marines stationed my father there. I mastered enough of the language to get me by. It wasn’t until years later that I picked up various dialects through self-taught audios to aid me in foreign business transactions. My accent might not be most authentic, but I’m fluent enough to know that Lil isn’t sure about her love for me.

Nightfall is persistent and unrelenting as it detains daylight from me. Glancing over to my nightstand, I see that it’s finally 5:08 a.m. on the digital clock. Unfortunately for me, I’m still wide awake while I stare at Lil’s back, fighting my urge to hold her. My tired eyes drift distantly out to see silvery star specks and skyscraper lights peek through the windows on this frigid November morning. The bleak composition fails to hold my interest and my focus shifts back to Lily again. No longer able to refrain my yearning to touch her, I stroke the back of my fingers along her face, tracing the tenderness of her delicate skin. What’s happening to us? Tragedy is never far behind whenever I decide to give my heart away. Am I doomed to live a desolate life? I hope not. Gently, I slide out of bed and tuck my pillow behind her back so it seems as if my body is still there next to hers.

Owen will be here in about an hour to pick me up for our routine ride to the office while Luke keeps his watchful eye on Lily until I return this evening. This is the plan for today. Tomorrow is still an unsolved mystery. I jotted down a list of dos and don’ts for her last night which I know will piss her off even more as soon as she reads them. She doesn’t take orders well, especially really restricted ones. I can only hope that her tantrum will be more manageable later tonight after she’s blown off some heat. Meanwhile, I’m praying that Hayden will share Isabella. While I’m away working, Isabella can keep Lily occupied for me.

Not long after I’m dressed in a black wool Brioni suit, I hear an alert for the front door. My heart pants a beat until I see Owen’s image on the security screen from my bedroom. With all the commotion that’s been surrounding me, I’ve been more antsy and paranoid lately. My first instinct is to protect like a lion over his pack, fearless and steadfast. Owen is especially early today, and I haven’t had a drop of coffee yet. I’m irritable if I don’t get my caffeine-fix first thing in the morning. Walking over to Lil, I gently press my lips on her forehead and then pull the covers over her shoulders. Her body squirms from my warm touch, but her eyes remain sealed.

Poking my head into the kitchen, I see Owen pouring coffee into his mug. “Morning Owen, you’re remarkably punctual this morning,” I greet him.

“I thought I’d beat my boss to the coffeemaker,” he replies, sounding unusually lighthearted. “And Luke will be here any minute. Where do you want him stationed? In or outside the penthouse?”

“Either way is fine with me as long as he’s hidden. I don’t want Miss Ly to feel like a prisoner even though I’m pretty much keeping her hostage here.”

“How about the security room?” Owen suggests. “Luke can monitor her on the screens, undetected. I’ll have him disconnect your bed and bathroom cameras to give her some privacy.”

“Sounds good,” I concur. “What can I expect from today’s meeting?” I inquire Owen, hoping he has answers for me.

“Alpha will divide his team into two groups. Four will go to the site where the last signal was tagged and one will go to the Montgomery estate.”

“Owen, it appears as if your team has things under control. I can’t thank you enough for your dedication to BPC. When this problem is all resolved, I plan on shifting more of my responsibilities over to you. I’m promoting you to Vice-President of BPC.” I pat him on his back to congratulate him.

“Thank you, sir,” he accepts with enthusiasm.

“Congratulations, Owen,” Lily adds with a grin while standing at the entrance of the kitchen in my white cotton robe and bare feet. Straightaway, my doting eyes roam over to her alluring face. Her beauty is so natural that makeup would only obstruct it. I walk over to meet her and tuck a tousled strand of hair behind her ear. She recoils slightly. Overlooking her wounding response, I continue to lean forward to impart a kiss where my fingers graced. She savors our contact with a soft inhale as her dark lashes flutter. I know she misses me. I have to believe that she does. Her eyes meet mine briefly and then over to Owen’s. She sidles away from me and then exhales, leaving my chest to feel a different kind of tug—pain.

“Thanks, Miss Ly,” Owen replies, surprised that she was standing in the background all this time.

“Please call me Lily. Miss Ly is too formal,” she suggests. “Carson, I found your note. We need to talk before you leave?” She narrows her eyes at me with a tart bite in her tone. I know I’m in for a bull-headed beating, and I haven’t had any coffee yet. This isn’t a good way to start my day.

Owen clears his throat and then proceeds to the coffeemaker. “I’ll get your coffee, sir.”

“Thanks, Owen, see you downstairs.” I turn to Lily to give her a pursed smile. She ignores my pacifying attempt. “Lil, let’s not start the morning off like this.”

“Like what? Like how you were going to leave without any explanations, but this note?” she snaps as she flashes a white BPC stationary in my face.

“You haven’t been sleeping well lately, so I didn’t want to wake you,” I defend my decision.

“Carson, your note says no calls, no visitors, no leaving the penthouse. How do you expect me to live like this?” Her volume steadily increases. I think she’s on the verge of ripping my head off as her cheeks heat up to a jewel pomegranate shade.

“Baby, these rules are only temporary until I speak to Owen’s team. After the meeting, we’ll decide which rules we can eliminate,” I attempt to settle her. “Besides, you won’t be by yourself all the time. I’ll ask Hayden to send Isabella over whenever she can.”

“Are you kidding me? I don’t need two babysitters!” she heatedly retorts. “I need my ordinary life back!” Her index finger jabs angrily into my chest.

“Your life is with me now,” I clarify sternly. “I can’t give you your old one back.” Grasping both her hands, I hold them between mine. “We’ll be husband and wife soon, spending forever together. Remember?”

“Carson, I don’t know if I can do this,” she replies softly, looking guiltily away from me.

“Please…don’t say that, Angel. You don’t know what those words do to my soul.” My voice is weak as my mind panics. She can’t give up on us. I can’t lose her. “I know this is more than what your mind can wrap around. Let me make some arrangements so I can work from home. Then you won’t have to be without me,” I offer desperately to appease her.

“No, I don’t want you to do that. Your work is invaluable, and it has to be done at the lab,” she sighs. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. I’m sure I’ll find something to do,” she surrenders in defeat, recognizing the value of my research—thank god. Even at a time like this, she’s still selfless and considerate of my obligations. This is why I’m so madly in love with her.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

Tipping her chin up to kiss her good-bye, I take her mouth with a fierce need. She doesn’t shy away from my ferocity. It’s been too far and few in between since we’ve kissed like this. My tongue twirls around hers, devouring her silky decadence. I run my hand down her neck to slide my white robe off one shoulder. My lips trace along her bared suede skin over goosebumps plagued by my touch. I love the way her body responds to me. Faint moans escape her throat, letting me know that she desires this as much as I do. I scoop her into my arms and carry her to our bedroom as we continue kissing. Gently, I lay her body down on the bed and peel the robe apart to expose a satin ivory nightgown covering her dainty frame. Christ, she’s so damn beautiful. My other head says take her, but Dr. Laurent recommended abstinence for at least two weeks. I lean my chest into hers, kissing her everywhere. I’m so fucking hard that I can feel my erection fighting against my wool trousers. Stop torturing yourself! I scold. Releasing her tender nipple from my hungry mouth, I inhale a deep breath and exhale my desperate desires for her out of my system.

“I better go. Owen is…waiting…downstairs…for me,” I pant and lick the tip of her nipple one last time. “Are we okay now?” I ask.

She pulls me back into her lips, kisses me one last time and then releases me with a satisfied grin. “Yeah, we’re okay,” she replies with a partial grin. “By the way, where’s Luke? He doesn’t have to stay hidden for my sake. I wouldn’t mind having a little company while you’re gone even if his personality is drier than all of Egypt’s deserts,” she smirks after her sassy comment. Can it be? Is my Lillian with the quirky sense of humor slowly resurfacing?

“Are you sure? His constant lurking won’t bother you?” I confirm. She nods her head. “He’ll be happy to come out of hiding.” I wink in response, and she offers me her gorgeous smile—the one I’d sell my body and soul to Satan for in exchange.

____________________

Finally, I see a tiny glimpse of progress, and it comforts me momentarily. The sweetness of her lips still lingers on my mouth, urging me to press my two fingers along that area. Holding on to her kiss seems to be overshadowing my need for coffee this morning.

“Mr. Bradley,” Owen interrupts my hopeful thought. “Mr. Carter will send Ms. Ellis over to the penthouse later this morning. I’ve already arranged it for you.” Owen is a godsend. He’s always two steps ahead of me, especially when I’m emotionally fucked.

“Thank you, Owen. You just made my day much better.”

“No problem, sir. Are you ready to go over today’s agenda?” he promptly reverts back to business mode. “Alpha will go over his strategy and introduce his team to you. Since Paul and David’s disappearance, the other two researchers, Alex and Sammy, have been working diligently. They’ll be excited to have you back.”

“I plan on working in the lab today. I’ve lost a significant amount of time. The drug needs to be ready for the planned protocol studies. You can reschedule or handle any business matters in lieu of me,” I assert.

“I guess we won’t have to go over the rest of the agenda then.” Owen flips his iPad cover over and sits back to enjoy a quiet ride to the office.

____________________

“Good morning, Evelyn,” I greet her as she smiles timidly back at me. You’d think that after working here for five years, she’d be less intimidated by me.

“Good morning, Mr. Bradley. Coffee?” she offers.

“Yes, please and make it a double,” I reply before walking into my office. Dropping my briefcase on my desk, I fall back into my leather chair and sigh. There’s a lot of work ahead of me. How will I get it all done? Reaching for documents lying next to Lily’s picture, I see a folded black silk tie with red specks. I grab it instead and squeeze it in my fist. I recognize this tie. It’s the one I tossed in the trash right after receiving news of Lily’s accident. Bianca left a note with it. A tie to end all other ties. And then it hits me like a burning slap in the face. Bianca is the one behind the accident, not the kidnappers. She had planned the entire thing with the intention of me seeing this tie after Lily’s demise. My blood is boiling hot with hatred for Bianca blasting through my veins. She just fucked with the wrong man—the one who’s not afraid to go to hell and back for justice. I’ll make sure she won’t ever come near me or Lil again.  

Knocks on my door interrupts my plan for revenge, forcing my hidden dark side to retreat for the moment. “Mr. Bradley, I have your coffee and Mr. Carter is here,” Evelyn announces through the frosted glass door.

“Come in and send Mr. Carter with you,” I clip in a snippy tone. God, I really need to control my explosive temperament. Breathe, exhale, breathe, I coach myself, using a relaxation technique I acquired as a teen from a psychiatrist I saw for years after Emily died.

Evelyn sets my coffee in front of me while Hayden makes himself comfortable on my sofa. “Can I get you anything else, Mr. Bradley?” Evelyn asks.

“Carter, coffee?” I offer. He shakes his head. “That’ll be all, Evelyn. Thank you.” She smiles and scurries away quickly.

“Carson, are you ready for some more bad news, man?” Hayden poses. Really? More bad news? I think to myself.

“I don’t want it, but I’m sure you’re going to give it to me anyway,” I tell him frankly.

“Emma, Lily’s other best friend, is pregnant. She’s getting married in two weeks. I can promise you that nothing will stop Lily or Belle from attending it,” Hayden declares.

Disregarding the word pregnant that Hayden just uttered, I grumble, “It’s not safe for Lily. She can’t go. I won’t allow it!” Though I’m confident I know who the perpetrator is behind Lil’s accident, I’m still not convinced that she’s completely safe out of harm’s way even after I eliminate that threat. I won’t take any chances when it comes to Lily, especially when someone has kidnapped people who are connected to me.

“Carson, I don’t care what you do, man. I’m just giving you a heads up so you can deal with Lily’s temper when you tell her ‘No.’” Fuck! Hayden’s right. If I stop her from attending the wedding, she’ll hate me indefinitely.

“What do you suggest I do since you know these three women much better than me?” I ask Hayden for his advice.

“That’s a tough one. I don’t have any suggestions for you,” Hayden surrenders, shrugging his shoulders and throwing both hands up.

My office phone rings, and it’s Evelyn reminding me of our meeting with Owen’s team, the Sanguis Frater or Blood Brothers. What am I going to do with Lil? My sanity is fading away little by little. My brain is on hazardous overload. I’m fucking losing it. Pull yourself together, man. You can’t fall apart now, I caution myself. How will the team of Navy SEALs respect me if I don’t have my shit together? Adjusting my tie and slipping into my CEO mode, I ask, “Hayden, you ready?” He nods his head and follows my lead out to the elevators.

Lillian Ly

After Carson and Owen left the penthouse, I rush back to the bedroom to brush my teeth and dress. I choose a pair of yoga pants that hangs loosely around my hips and a worn, cotton long sleeved shirt. They’re perfect for lounging around the penthouse until Carson comes home. What shall I do to keep myself occupied today? Hmm…I wouldn’t mind starting my morning with a casual breakfast with Luke. I could persuade him to open up to me even though I’ve been unsuccessful for the past week.

I find Luke sitting quietly in the far corner of the living room, being as discreet as possible, while heading towards the kitchen. “Luke, I want you to have breakfast with me. I hate eating alone,” I holler across the room.

“Miss Ly, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m here to watch over you,” he clarifies in a militant tone.

“Mr. Bradley told me that I can request anything from you that’s within reason. Eating breakfast with me is reasonable,” I wittily reply with a crafty grin. “So please come over here, and I’ll make us some pancakes.”

Luke, wearing black jeans and a leather coat, slowly advances towards the kitchen as quiet as a mouse. He seems completely out of his element from his wavering movements. I enjoy seeing this more human side of him instead of his terrifying Terminator persona. He has his eyes purposely hidden behind dark sunglasses, so I can’t decipher them or see their color. When he finally reaches the barstool, Luke lowers his bottom in one controlled motion, almost like a robot.

“Would you like some coffee?” I offer while pointing at Carson’s intimidating coffee machine.

“No thank you, ma’am,” he replies. Is he for real? Did he just address me as ma’am again?

“Luke, please do me a huge favor and call me Lily instead of ma’am? I just had my first legal drink over a year ago,” I plead and smile at the same time.

“But, it doesn’t sound professional, ma’am. I mean…Lily,” he answers uneasily while shaking his head.

“That’s better. Thanks. You can be my bodyguard around Mr. Bradley and my friend around me,” I smirk and wink at him. I’m not positive, but I think I just made him crack a smile.

As I whisk the pancake batter with my back to Luke, I casually ask him about his background. “How did you get into this line of work anyways?” Leaning his elbows on the granite countertop, he hesitates for a minute before answering my question openly, taking me completely by surprise.

* * * * * * * *

After flunking out of his first year of college from partying too hard, Luke returned home to work for his father as a mechanic. He reconnected with a girl from high school who joined the Marines after their graduation. Since he lacked the discipline to succeed in college, she convinced him to enlist in the Service. They ended up at the same training camp, but Annarah was higher in military rank. She impressed the heck out of him with her combat skills and sharpness. She even kicked his ass several times while practicing a fighting exercise. With respect and admiration, he fell deeply for her. They secretly dated for about three years. A month after Luke proposed to Annarah, she was sent off on a secret mission to South America. Her objective was to stop the drug cartels from buying destructive military weapons. She never made it out. Her entire team was annihilated according to military records, but no bodies were recovered.

Luke knew what he had to do after Annarah died. He applied for the elite Navy SEAL team. His training was rigorous and demanding, sometimes almost impossible, but he persevered because he had a personal vendetta. He wanted to kill the bastards who took Annarah away from him. Luke was eventually sent to South America and the Middle East for covert operations. He was successful with every mission presented to him, but he never found the people who killed his lover. Luke continued to work undercover for the U.S. government until Owen recruited him approximately a year ago.

____________________

Being completely engrossed in Luke’s incredible story, I burn our breakfast to a dark and inedible crisp. Unpleasant smoky fume wafts through the entire kitchen, smothering what would’ve been the delicious aroma of pancakes. But it doesn’t even faze me. I can’t believe that I’m standing in front of a real person who has completed secret missions and even killed bad people. He’s like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, but much taller. I’m floored and impressed at the same time. And then who would’ve guessed that Luke was ever romantically involved with anyone? Not me. I didn’t even think he had a passionate bone in his body. Was I ever wrong to assume that! I’m dying to ask more questions about Annarah, but I can tell that his shield is slowly going back up as soon as he completed his last sentence.

Luke clams up after realizing that he has revealed more information to me than he intended. It was so cool to get a glimpse of his other side while it lasted. “What can I make you instead of pancakes?” I giggle. “Bagel with cream cheese? I can’t mess that up,” I offer with a grin. He nods his head, refusing to offer anything verbal. I place a plate and a glass of juice in front of him. We both sit quietly at the bar, chewing our crusty toasted bagels.

An old car horn ringtone from Luke’s side pocket halts his sip of juice. I chuckle immediately at the silly sound that doesn’t correspond to his personality. Or does it? Luke places his glass neatly on the counter and then pulls out a black phone similar to the one that Carson handed to me yesterday.

“Hello,” he answers. “Yes, Ms. Ellis, when will you be here?” He waits for her answer and then replies, “Okay, I will let you in through the side door,” he instructs in his disciplined tone and serious demeanor.

I could scream for joy. It’s my best friend, Belle. I’ve been dying to see her. The idea of having her here with me warms my soul like a security blanket is to a child. I need familiarity, and she’s as close to family as it gets. If anyone can help me get over my sulking, it would be Belle. She has never failed to make me laugh even when I try my darndest not to crack a smile.

Chapter 2 of 'Finding our Forever' Book2 of the Forever Series

Chapter 2

Lillian Ly

With a disheartened expression on his overly tired face, Carson tries his best to be as accommodating to my situation as possible, but it’s still not enough to unscramble my uncertainties. I’ve somehow lost my identity and strength, and I’m inadvertently blaming Carson for all my misfortunes. When I found him nearly dead on the beach about three months ago, I never imagined my life to become this complicated. I lost my virginity, and a pregnancy that I’m struggling to accept. My future to become a physician is now unclear, and I have no control over the direction of my life. He’s cutting me off from the world until who knows when, making me feel completely isolated. I know that my heart will always belong to him, but my tattered mind implores me to flee from this nightmare. How much more can I endure before I let his obstacles defeat me entirely? Clasping my hands together, my fingertips brush against a cool, smooth surface. The sensation draws my eyes from the tinted window down to my ring finger to see Carson’s pink diamond. Instantly, I’m reminded of our promise of forever. Regardless of how difficult my situation is, I can never picture a life without him because I’m hopelessly in love with this man.

“Lil, we’re here, babe,” Carson taps my shoulder to notify me, interrupting my moment of reflection and a little self-pity. I look up to see that we’re parked at some unfamiliar underground garage. It’s dark, empty and intimidating as my eyes skim the perimeter. Eerie shadows of massive metal beams cast across a concrete path, inciting images of a shrouded Grim Reaper with his deadly scythe, ready to harvest our souls. My horrible imagination sends a terrifying chill down my spine. “It’ll just be a few minutes. We’re waiting for the clearance,” Carson leans forward, away from the dark, sinister background, and into a hopeful ray of light to inform me. He grasps my hand lightly, gauging my reaction to his touch. I leave my hand in his as I catch Owen’s eyes studying my response from the shadows via the rear mirror.

Owen’s buzzing phone slices through the muted darkness, disrupting our overflowing tension. “Hello,” he answers while listening with a stern expression. “Was it clean?” Owen inquires as he scurries his eyes to meet Carson’s through the rear mirror. My ears keenly absorb every spoken word, trying to filter what’s happening. “Excellent!” he exclaims with more spirit than I’ve ever seen or heard from him. “We’ll be up there in five. I’ll see you and the others tomorrow morning,” he confirms and then disconnects.

“I take it that we’re cleared to go?” Carson verifies with Owen.

“Yes, sir. Luke is already upstairs waiting for us.” Owen reaches for the handle to swing it open like a freezer door, letting the bitter November chill course in. My body shivers immediately. Noticing my reaction, Carson attentively shields me with his arms. His warmth is inviting, making it difficult for me to resist his comfort as I nestle against him and inhale his irresistible scent.

For a change, I’m actually anxious to see Luke. I owe him so much gratitude for all he’s done for my friends and me. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t think we could’ve made it out there safely. Just terrific, my eyes well up with tears again as I recall the accident from two days ago. Concern floods my heart, wondering how Amelia is doing. I have to find out soon, and there’s no way Carson can keep me from speaking with them or he’ll have hell to pay. I blame myself for involving them. I should’ve disclosed Luke to them before they trustingly stepped into the SUV with me. Maybe if we all would’ve avoided the SUV, I would still be pregnant with my Peanut. Just flippin great! The fortress that’s been holding back my tears crumbles, making me a drowning disaster as I think about what if. Quickly, I smear the dampness from my eyes and face, hoping the darkness will obscure my breakdown from Carson.

Owen steps out first and then Carson follows. Reaching in for my hand, Carson helps me out of the limo and into his warm, inviting arms again. We proceed down the creepy concrete path that I noticed earlier to enter a confined elevator that could make anyone claustrophobic even if they aren’t. There’s just enough room for three people. My heart is throbbing uncontrollably, facing all kinds of fear. The anxiety radiating from my body is so palpable that it’s impossible to conceal it. Carson gently circles his arms around my waist, allowing me to burrow my head into his chest to control my labored breathing. When the elevator stops, it opens up to a private entrance of a penthouse—Carson’s. Why am I even surprised that he has a personal elevator? Owen steps out first and then signals for us to follow his lead when he sees Luke fixed in the center of an elaborate wine cellar. My grateful heart has this need to run over and give Luke a necessary hug, but I refrain myself. I’m not sure how he would respond to an overly touchy-feely gesture. There’s a hinting smile on his face when he sees us walking towards him.

“Luke, I’m so glad to see you. You disappeared before I could thank you the other day.” I reach for his hand and squeeze it with sincere gratitude. His concealed smile grows wider. “I’m here because of you. Thank you,” I continue.

“Yes Luke, thanks for bringing Miss Ly safely back to me,” Carson chimes in with his right hand splayed at the small of my back.

“No problem, sir,” Luke replies, wiping his indistinguishable grin away. “Before I head out, is there anything else you need?” he inquires while locking his focus on Carson.

“No, not at the moment,” Carson addresses Luke in a business tone and then turns his attention to me. “And you, let’s get you upstairs to find you something to eat,” he commands in a more playful tone.

I wave good-bye to Luke and follow Carson down a hallway with wooden walls filled with hundreds, maybe even thousands of wine bottles to a spiral staircase. This area of the penthouse is all new to me since I wasn’t nosy enough to snoop around the last time I was here. The enormity of his place is unbelievable. We climb to the top of the stairs, and it appears as if we’ve hit a dead-end, facing an extensive wall with a mural of a beautiful Tuscany landscape. Carson presses his thumb against a discrete symbol blended into the painting, and a door-size part of the wall slides clear. He guides me through the opening, and I see that it leads to a stocked pantry adjacent to the kitchen. It feels like I’m in a James Bond movie with all the secretive passageways and security clearances. My mind is now completely overcome. I don’t think I can handle one more unsolicited surprise today. Carson searches for my eyes, possibly assessing my reaction to this surreal part of his life that I was completely unaware of. “Lil, I know this is a lot for you to grasp in one day, but…,”

“You think?” I immediately smart off, trying to hold my sanity together which is slowly loosening at the already delicate seams. After discovering that Carson is wealthy beyond anyone’s imagination, I expect that our relationship would entail some challenges, but never to this extent. I think my reaction is justifiable.

He overlooks my sarcasm to continue where I just cut him off, “I’m not expecting you to be okay with this. I just want you to promise me that you won’t give up on us, on me.” He draws me into his firm chest and tenderly strokes the back of his hand along my face. “I have so much more to offer you than all this complication. Once everything is straightened out, we’ll have the rest of our lives to enjoy forever,” he vows. I offer him a tiny pursed smile and wrap my arms around him. “I love you, Angel.”

“Me, too,” I murmur into his chest. He tilts my chin up to meet his lips, and I’m lost in the depth and sweetness of his kiss.

Carson eventually releases his hold of me to remind me of lunch. “I need to feed you, babe. All you’ve had to eat was a piece of toast from this morning. What can I make for you?” he considerately asks.

“Grilled cheese,” I reply with a faint grin as I fight back my worries. This is the first time in my life that my future is determined by someone else, and I don’t like it one bit.   

“Grilled cheese it is!” he exclaims. “Lil…,” he hesitates. “Um…after lunch…Dr. Laurent will stop by to check on you,” he pauses to give me a collective second. “He’s one of the top gynecologists in Boston. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” He looks warily at me. What can I say? Carson never misses a beat when it comes to details. The last thing I need or want is to have a doctor poke and prod at my vagina, but I’m too beaten to put up a fight. I nod my head submissively in response and then walk over to a glass window facing the pool to dolefully watch rain drops drizzle down, mirroring the sorrow I’m feeling deep inside.

____________________

I can’t believe Carson had Dr. Laurent’s staff setup an ultrasound machine in one of the extra bedrooms. Dr. Laurent’s bedside manner is impressive and very personable. My body automatically flinches when he squirts cool gel on my belly before pressing the probe against it. Carson thoughtfully reaches for my hand and holds onto to it. I think we’re both secretly praying for a thriving heartbeat as Dr. Laurent glides the ultrasound probe around, but disappointingly, there is none on the dark-grey screen. I hear a soft sigh escape Carson that sounds almost like defeat. I avoid looking into his eyes because it’ll only stir up more heartache for me. With all the bleeding and cramping I’ve had, I know that I would need a miracle to keep my pregnancy. I already told myself that I wouldn’t cry again, but I can’t help it. I break down as soon as Carson walks Dr. Laurent out. Tears came fiercely while my body shudders from the pain of knowing that Peanut is definitely gone forever.

After regaining my composure, I creep quietly down the hallway to Carson’s bedroom. Though I know it’ll break my heart even more, there’s one room I have to see. My hand trembles slightly as it grips a silver handle. I open the door to find a barren room. My heart sinks painfully into the pit of my core. All the beautiful baby furniture is gone. Carson must’ve thought he could lessen my pain if he erased everything that reminds me of babies. It was a good attempt on his part, but it doesn’t diminish anything. He walks in from behind and circles his arms around my waist. “Please let me in. I’m here for you, Angel. Open up to me,” he pleads. I fail to reply and continue to conceal my sorrow from him. I know I’m hurting Carson by cutting him out, but I just can’t let him in right now. It’s easier to seal my heart than to pour it out. I don’t want him to see my doubts in us. Reaching down for my hand, he convinces me to leave the empty room. “Come with me, let’s get out of here.” I turn to him and agree.

The minute we enter his room, I march over to his bed and wilt my body on top of it. Several of my ribs are still aching, but tolerable. My tender eyes stare blankly up to the ceiling. Carson follows my lead and does the same thing. We lay there silently with our heads next to each other’s until I remind him of my one personal call from his prison. “Carson, I’d like to call my mom now if you don’t mind.”

“Sure, let me get you the burner phone.” He gets up, walks over to a dresser and pulls a black phone out of the top drawer. Dropping it in my hand, he tells me, “This phone can’t be traced, so feel free to talk to your mom as long as you want. Just remind her that she can’t tell anyone she’s talked to you.”

“Okay, I will!” I snap, irritated with all his restrictions. With a sigh, Carson steps away to retrieve his laptop, comes back and casually plops down next to me. How do I tell him I want to speak to my mom in private? We’ve agreed to have no secrets between us. Maybe I won’t have to. I’ll purposely speak to her in Chinese so he can’t understand me.

I tap my mother’s digits in by memory and nervously wait for it to ring twice before she picks up. “Hi, Mom,” I greet her in an apprehensive tone as I prepare for her explosion.

Immediately, she screams, “Lily, where are you? I thought you were dead. I tried to fly to St. Croix yesterday, but there were no flights available. The news implied that you didn’t survive the accident. Do you know what that kind of news does to a mother? Do you?” she continues to yell and cry hysterically.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I wanted to call you sooner, but I couldn’t. Please don’t cry. I’m safe. I promise I’ll come see you as soon as I can.” I feel a tight lump growing larger in my throat as I force my tears back. I purposely avoid looking in Carson’s direction. A single concerned glimpse from him is all I need to rupture into a spurting fountain of sorrow.

“Lily, when will that be? When can I see you? What kind of trouble are you in? Does this have anything to do with that rich man? I thought you told me you wouldn’t see him anymore.” My mother transitions from raging sadness to bitter accusations in seconds. There’s no possible way to explain Carson to her in her frantic state of mind. She’s at least twenty times more stubborn than I am. She won’t hear a word that I’ll say in his defense. I’ll have to embellish the truth a little bit until my mother calms down, and then I’ll tell her about Carson and our engagement. Again, I’m so thankful he can’t understand a word of Chinese.

“Mom, I’m not in any real trouble,” I fib. “I want you to trust me. I’m safe and that’s all you need to know. I’m not involved with that rich man,” I stutter, hating myself for lying to my mother. Coincidentally, Carson raises his brow and looks at me like he understands what I’m saying to her in Chinese, making me more nervous. My guilty mind must be playing tricks on me. It’s impossible.

“I’m your mother. I know when you’re lying to me,” she accuses me. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” she interrogates me.

“Mom, I’m not lying,” I reply in a quivering voice. I’ve never been good at being dishonest. My shaky expression and voice are sure giveaways. “I’m not…in love with him,” I grit my pathetic lie like it’s being dragged across coarse sandpaper. “Please believe me!” I exclaim. Again, Carson halts his train of thought. His body is on locked-down. From the corner of my eye, I can see his jaw clench down tightly like something is upsetting him. He’s probably reacting to my tone with my mother. Maybe he’s frustrated that he can’t understand what I’m talking about. I reason to myself while trying to calm my mother down. “I’m sorry I’m failing you. I don’t mean to.”

“Lily, I don’t like this. Whatever you’re involved with, get out of it now! I don’t want anything to happen to you. You’re all that I have.” She sobs again, spilling unnecessary tears because of me. Damn it! I want the tormenting sound of her misery to stop.

“Don’t cry, Mom. It breaks my heart to hear you so sad. Nothing will happen to me. I’m safe,” I assure her as I push back my doubts. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell I’m involved with. All the added security tells me that it’s more dangerous than I want to believe. My ability to keep lying is weakening, so I cut our conversation off. “I have to go for now, but I’ll call you again real soon. I love you. And Mom, don’t tell anyone you’ve talked to me.”

“Why Lily, if you’re not in any trouble?” she demands.

“Mom, please trust me and don’t ask any more questions,” I plead with my trembling voice. I’m seconds from breaking down and exposing my ugly truth to her.

With a resigned sigh she gloomily tells me, “You’re a grown woman now. I’m sure you can handle yourself.”

“I can, Mom. Don’t worry too much about me. I’ll come see you soon. I promise. Love you.” Defeated, I drop my head to my chest and disconnect our call. Setting his laptop aside, Carson soothingly rubs his hand up and down my back. I know how much he wants to hold me in his arms, but my stubbornness keeps me from falling into them.

“Lil, what can I do?” he inquires while his eyes roam nervously at me. “I hate seeing you so upset. It’s killing me.”

“I’ll be fine. I told her that I’m with you,” I reply with a white lie—one of many. My palms begin to sweat as I avoid his concerned eyes.

“She knows you’re with me?” he probes with doubt in his tone. I nod my head quickly. “And she’s okay with that?” he pries as he studies my tenseness.

I nod my head again and hum, “Uh-huh.” I need to divert his inquiries. He’s onto my feeble lie. Any second now and he’ll have me singing like a canary. I’ll have no choice but to confess to him that I’m a coward about telling my mother of our relationship. In a chirpier tone, I ask, “Hey, handsome, would you mind if I call Richard and Ame? I’ve been worried sick about her.”

“No, of course not. I’m worried, too,” he concurs. My diversion worked. I predict that he wouldn’t object to a phone call to Ame. I’m relieved that he doesn’t push me further with questions about what I’ve told my mom. I know I’m not in the clear, but at least I bought myself a little time.

“Can you hand me your phone for a sec? I need Ame’s number?” He reaches into his pocket and hands it to me. I scroll through his contact list to see Ame’s name under M. I’m pretty confident she has her phone with her because she’s one of those people who never leave home without one. I type Ame’s number into my special phone and wait for an answer.

“Hello, who’s this?” Richard guardedly asks after the second ring.

“It’s me, Lil. Don’t hang up. How are you guys doing? Is Ame okay?” My heart stalls for a second as I wait for his response. Oh god, let it be good news, I plead.

“Ame will be fine. They scanned her head yesterday, and there’s no severe internal hemorrhaging. They’re discharging us right now, and then she’ll come home with me, so I can keep an eye on her,” Richard updates.

“Thank god!” I shriek with relief. “And how are you?”

“I’m fine, too. I have some bruising, but nothing major. What about you, Lil? How are you holding up?” Richard considerately asks, not knowing that it’ll make me weep again.

I pause. How do I tell him about Peanut? “I had some cramping and bleeding. I…had a… miscarriage.” My eyes well up with overflowing tears that can’t be contained this time. Placing his hand on my back, Carson strokes it soothingly up and down as he watches me with his soft hazel eyes.

“Fuck! I’m so sorry Lil. I don’t know what to say. Oh god…,” he panics, trying to figure out what to offer to comfort me.

“It’s over. Let’s not talk about it,” I tell him to shut the pain out, pretending to be resilient even though it’s impossible. I’ve never been this fragile in all my life, and it’s making me feel so hopeless.

“Okay, no more…Lil, this is probably the worst time for me to break this to you…but I have to. It’s been eating me up inside since the accident. Please don’t hate me after I tell you this,” he begs desperately.

“What is it Richard? You know I can never hate you,” I assure him. Carson looks into my eyes with apprehension after hearing my fretting.

“Bianca came to see me about two months ago. She confided that she was Carson’s ex-fiancée and that she was completely heartbroken from the separation. She convinced me to slip a sedative in your beer, so she could have pictures taken of you and me.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. What kind of a warped and fucked-up world am I in? Isn’t Richard my friend? How can he screw me over with Bianca of all people? “Lil, are you still there?” he asks.

I’m so stunned that I can barely reply. “You…you drugged me? You fucking drugged me?” I stutter. “Did you even know what it was? What the hell were you thinking? Why Richard?” I shout. The hurt and anger in my voice are all that he can hear. Carson’s expression turns cold and furious from my outburst. He wants to add to the conversation, but I place my palm out to stop him and step off the bed to distance myself. I need space to breathe and calm down.

“Lil, believe me when I tell you that I’m really sorry for being an asshole,” he sighs. “I wasn’t thinking with my head. I thought it would give me a chance and that I could prove to you that I was right for you. She was so persuasive and convincing, and I was desperate,” he explains. “I won’t blame you if you hate me for the rest of my life, but please don’t.” He sounds so deplorable and remorseful, but I’m too pissed to care. Truthfully, I can’t hate him. He’s been so good to me even after my pregnancy news. However, that doesn’t mean things won’t change between us. He’ll have to work his way back into my circle of trust which isn’t easy to do since I already have severe trust issues. My stomach is churning with mixed emotions. I don’t know how much more shit I can take. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. What Richard did is unforgivable, but I can’t hold it against him forever. I cherish our friendship too much to let that happen.

Bianca’s charm, sexual appeal and shrewdness are impossible to resist, especially for a sweet boy like Richard. Even domineering CEO Carson Bradley wasn’t immune to her allure, so how can I expect Richard to be invincible? He didn’t have a fighting chance against her cleverness. After a heavy sigh, I assure him, “I don’t hate you, Richard, but what you did really scarred me. I have to be honest; it’ll be hard for me to forgive you for what you did. Things will probably never be the same between us.”

“I know it won’t be, but thank god you don’t hate me!” He rejoices. “I’ve been regretting this fucked-up decision the second I agreed to it. I’m really sorry, please find it in your heart to forgive me…eventually,” he begs again.

“It’ll take some time,” I clip and then ask, “What were we doing in those pictures?” but then change my mind. “No…don’t tell me. I don’t want to know,” I object to my own question. Sometimes things are better left unknown. Details can be relentless reminders, making forgiveness to be almost impossible. Now I understand why Carson thought I cheated on him. I’m no match for that conniving bitch. She’s out for my blood.

“The pictures Sasha took of us were very misleading. I promise I never touched you inappropriately. I want you to know that,” Richard swears. “In fact, I tried to contact Bianca afterwards to tell her I had changed my mind, but she wasn’t reachable, probably on purpose. After that, I knew I had fucked up and there was no turning back. I was going to have to pay for my mistake,” He continues to repent.

“Everyone has a weak moment I guess,” I sadly point out. “Unfortunately, it came back to haunt you and hurt me. So I take it that you and Sasha aren’t really friends then, right?” I confirm while walking back to the bed to sit by Carson. He silently mouths, “Are you okay?” I reply with an incomplete smile and nod.

“No, we’re not. I’ve never met her until that night at the bar,” he pauses. “There’s more I need to tell you.” Oh my god, there’s more. How can there possibly be more? “I think our accident has something to do with Bianca and Sasha. After replaying it over and over in my head yesterday, I recalled Sasha driving a similar red sports car that night she followed me back to the dorm. I’m so sure about this that I’m willing to put my life on it. Lil, you have to watch out for that deranged woman. Bianca isn’t a force to reckon with. If she discovers that you’ve survived that accident, she’ll probably figure another way to succeed next time.”

Fear spreads through me like wild fire as I take in Richard’s warning of Bianca. How can I hold onto my sanity now? “What? You think she was involved?” I yelp. “She did cross my mind, but I didn’t think she could be evil enough.”

“She is! She’s the fucking devil in Prada, Gucci, Dolce, and whatever else!” Richard exclaims.

“Oh my god, Richard, she must’ve found out about…,” I stop myself before saying the word baby, remembering that Carson is sitting next to me, listening to everything. With his quick temper, I can see him running to confront her before we even have enough evidence to prove her guiltiness. I want to make sure she gets everything she deserves. I decide to change the subject to lighten the conversation even though I’m sure Carson has probably figured out what we’ve been talking about. He’s too smart for me to put anything pass him. “Can I talk to my roomie?” I ask Richard in a calmer tone.

Richard intuitively complies without asking me to complete my thought. He tells me he has to walk back to Amelia’s room to give her the phone. “Hey Lil, how are you, love?” Ame considerately asks me in her Brit accent that I miss dearly.

“I’m making it, but more importantly, how are you doing? How’s that hard head of yours?” I tease her with the little life I have left in me.

“It’s a good thing I’m a stubborn redhead. The doctor said that I’ll be back to normal in no time at all. My blurred vision is much better, and I don’t sound like a drunken Irish/Brit anymore,” she giggles.

“Thank god you’re okay! I could never forgive myself if…”

“Don’t Lil! I already told you not to blame yourself, sweetie,” she interrupts me. “How’s Peanut?” she warily asks.

Richard suddenly snatches the phone from Ame as soon as he hears Peanut’s name. “It’s time for us to go, Lil. I need to get Ame home and comfortable. Take care and keep us informed,” Richard thoughtfully interrupts Ame to save me the pain of revealing my sad news to her. I can hear her griping in the background for cutting her off.

“I will,” I tell him and then sadly disconnect our call. What’s that saying? When it rains, it pours. In my case, it floods and drowns, leaving me hopeless. I’ve been dragged to hell and back, and I’m not sure where I’m at now.

“How’s Amelia?” Carson asks with a concerned expression that’s probably meant more for me than Ame’s status. “Your conversation with Richard sounded heated,” he stresses.

“She’s going to have a full recovery,” I answer his first question and ignore his second comment.

“What were you and Richard talking about? I see that you’re still upset about it,” he pries with hope that I might confirm what he already knows from listening to my conversation.

“I rather not talk about it now. Is that okay?” I retort. I can’t do this tonight. My brain is exhausted.

“It’s not okay, Lil. I fucking hate being shut out!” he answers in a raised tone. “Why won’t you talk to me? I’m here for you!” he shouts in frustration, and it stuns me. I don’t even know how to respond to his outburst, but cry. Realizing that he just lost his temper with me, he reaches for my hand and tells me, “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I’m at my wit’s end. I just want to help you get to a better place, but you won’t let me.” 

“I know you do…I think I’m going to call it a night. I’ll be fine if you have some work to complete,” I reply without offering him any sentiments to his plea of letting him into my broken world.

Carson looks utterly crushed and dejected when I pull my hand away from his grasp. It breaks my heart to see him in this miserable state, but I’m just not ready to open up to him. I rather hold my pain and doubts in for now. I hand him the burner phone before walking to the bathroom to brush my teeth. He stands there in awe. As I pass the closet, I notice my side of the room that Carson had created for me is now voided of all the maternity clothes that Kat had selected for me. It makes me feel sadly empty and depressed again.

By the time I finished brushing my teeth, Carson is no longer in bed or in the room, waiting for me. He must be working in his office or maybe he’s given up on me out of frustration. Either way, we’re both not going to bed happy tonight. The covers were thoughtfully pulled back for me before he left. I crawl underneath the sateen sheets and lower my tender eyelids to shut this day from hell out.

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Finding Our Forever is book 2 of the Forever series

For those who have read 'Beginning with Forever' and are missing Carson and Lillian, this is a special treat for you. I have been diligently writing book2, 'Finding our Forever,' to get it out to you as soon as possible. But in the mean time, I am posting a FREE, unedited chapter of book2 for you to read. Every week in May, I will be posting a new one (total of 4  in all). Thank you for your interest and support in my work!!!

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Finding our Forever (Book2 of 3 in the Forever series)

Chapter 1

Wesley Montgomery

Father sent me the company jet yesterday and insisted that I fly back to Boston to see him as soon as possible. Wesley, our family business needs you back in the states immediately. We have an emergency that I can’t handle alone, I recall our phone conversation from last night as I lounge in my leather seat thousands of miles in the air, second guessing what could’ve possibly rattled my father up so unusually. Montgomeries don’t normally fuck up, but when they do, my father, Chandler, never fails to find a way to mend it. Legal or illegal, it doesn’t matter to him as long as the job gets done. His father, my granddad Charles, did it for him and his brother, and now that granddad is gone, he inherited that role. He’s the glue that’s kept Montgomery Medical Corporations together and prosperous. He’s a shrewd business man who’s taught me everything I know. This is why I’m his liaison for the Asian market.

I was sent to live in Hong Kong, off and on, after I graduated from Harvard about nine years ago. I didn’t mind leaving the family to live in a foreign country because of my strained relationship with my mother. Chandler and Mimi Montgomery adopted me as a newborn since they weren’t able to have any biological children of their own. As soon as I was able to say my first word, Mimi, my mother, made sure I knew that I wasn’t a true Montgomery. I attribute her dislike of me to the tight bond that my father and I have. She doesn’t want her husband to share his attention with anyone, not even with his own son. Mimi is the most self-centered person, and I can’t help, but resent her coldness towards me. She picked me out like a handbag, carrying me around like a fashion accessory until she grew tired of the style. Fortunately for me, I had Ms. Polly who’s been my nanny since I was first brought home to the Montgomery’s massive twenty-acre estate. She filled the maternal role with as much love and nurturing as any mother would for a child. In my eyes, she was my mother, not Mimi. From the outside, our family appeared picture perfect, but on the inside, we were more screwed up and dysfunctional than most families. Money can mask everything even the most hideous, my granddad used to tell me.

I’m looking forward to seeing Ms. Polly when I land. She’ll be surprise to see me at my penthouse where she resides and tends to all my affairs while I commute back and forth to Hong Kong. I purposely didn’t announce my visit, knowing that she would fret over my meals and comfort unlike Mimi who could give two shits about me. At sixty-eight, she doesn’t need to worry about a thirty-two year old man even if I have enough stress to age me an extra ten years.

Damn that Carson Bradley for being the source of my aggravation and stress! I barely know anything about him, but I already hate him with a passion. Why couldn’t he just mind his own business and stick to curing cancer. What’s his motivation anyways? Is he trying to stomp out all his competitions? What a greedy son of a bitch! Due to his discovery of cheap additives in the Montgomery NeoMed infant formula, my company has taken a severe nose dive in the stock market. He struck me hard, and I plan on repaying him the favor. Credits to his meddling, I have more lawsuits than clients, coming from every country possible, and I don’t see an end to my hell. In addition to all my woes, I have angry investors riding my ass, demanding compensation for their losses. I hope to god that my company doesn’t go under from one fucking, stupid decision that I made and regret. If it does, I will personally hold Mr. Bradley accountable.

Carson Bradley

Lily is finally sleeping after I convinced her to take another painkiller before we boarded the jet. Sitting by her side watching her sleep, I fight back my own tears. She’s had enough suffering these past few days that I just want to do everything in my power to shield her from anymore. I called Owen last night and had him remove all the baby furniture and anything else that could remind Lil of our unborn baby. I don’t want anything to trigger memories of her miscarriage. She’s cried plenty and doesn’t need to shed anymore tears if I can help it. When I welcomed her into my world, I only had the purest intention of offering her all my love and making her the happiest woman in the world because that’s what she’s done for me. But instead of giving her the happy movie ending she deserves, I’ve showered her with tears and heartache. There has to be a way for me to make it up to her. I have to or I don’t deserve her love.

____________________

After I spoke to Owen, I reached out to my parents to share my anguish with them. My pain was too much to be caged up. It needed to be liberated. They’ve experienced one tragic loss with me already and had been my source of strength then, so I’m relying on them to help me overcome this one as well. My mother was especially affected, urging me to get to the bottom of this so-called accident that has ended her future grandbaby’s life. She wept as hard as Lil did, insisting that I do all I can to support Lil through this delicate time. She assured me that her welcoming arms will be waiting for me when I see her.

Ever since my mother’s heated confrontation with Bianca, she’s convinced Bianca is as wicked as the devil himself. She hinted that I shouldn’t overlook Bianca as a suspect. I agreed of course, but can Bianca be that heinous? She might be selfish, spoiled and conniving, but attempted murder seems extreme to me. However, I’m not ruling anything out, especially after her picture scam which I haven’t forgotten. Owen requested Luke to investigate the possibility of her involvement as soon as he flew back to Boston late last night. After Lil mentioned that she recognized Sasha, I asked Owen to have Luke trail her everywhere. I want to know what dirty jobs Bianca is having Sasha do for her. If I find out that Bianca was entangled in that accident, I swear I’ll see to it myself that she’ll never see the light of day again. So help me god.

 “Carson, are we there yet?” Lil asks as she looks up into my bloodshot eyes, grabbing my immediate attention. It saddens me even more to see her empty expression. I miss her beautiful smile. Her sadness is all I can see in her dull brown eyes. Who can I blame, but myself?

“Almost, Angel. We have about twenty more minutes before we land. Can I get you anything?” I reply cautiously, hoping not to spark new tears. I stroke her face gently with the back of my hand, savoring the silkiness of her skin.

“I want to call my mom as soon as I can. I don’t want her to worry about me.” Her tone is composed as she shifts her body away from me. God, this is going to kill me if she continues to distance herself. I want to hold her, feel her against my body, but she’s doing all she can to keep me from touching her. I know I can’t push her during this fragile period, but how can I help her get through this if she won’t let me in.

“No problem, Angel, you can call your mom as soon as we land,” I assure her and briefly stall before continuing. I guarantee that she’ll be upset with me as soon as I give her my stipulations. “But, you can’t divulge our location, and she can’t tell anyone you’ve contacted her.” She glares at me in response. If looks could kill, I’d be lying dead on the bed from flaming glares lodged in my chest. “I’m sorry, Lil, but it’s for your safety,” I attempt to convince her as I avoid her furious and lethal stare.

“How am I supposed to tell her that bullcrap? She’ll blow a blood vessel from being so angry with me,” she crossly retorts while huffing heavily.

“We’ll figure something out,” I attempt to placate her heat, but fail miserably to diminish it and her doubts. Reaching for her hands, I plead, “Lil, please believe me when I tell you that I love you and that I’ll do anything to make you happy again.” She looks at me and nods her head—finally, a glimpse of hope.

“How long will I have to be your prisoner?” she smarts off, wiping my sliver of hope away.

“Lil, you’re not my prisoner, you’re my fiancée. I’m keeping you safe with me, not holding you against your will,” I reply, praying my temper will not shadow my patience. “I know your world is beyond complicated because of me, and I hate myself for it. I wish I can undo it all, but I can’t.” My frustration is clearly obvious in my voice. “I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life, if I have to, to make it up to you, Angel,” I pour my soul out to her, pleading.

A small but noticeable smile sidles across her face and what a beautiful sight it is for me. “Please don’t hate yourself, honey,” she consoles me. Leaning into her lips, I kiss them for the first time since yesterday. Please don’t pull away from me, Lil. God, I miss the sweet taste and feel of them. Her lips part for my tongue to enter and stroke hers. The kiss is intense, full of broken sentiments, waiting to escape. I can sense that she misses me just as much. I cherish our intimacy because this is the closest I’ve been allowed to be near her since the miscarriage. Her eyes seal tight to shut me out and then opens after she stows her brittle emotions. Again, sadness glazes over her dark pupils, dulling its vibrant gleam and making me feel defeated. She exhales, “I need more time, be patient with me,” and intertwines our fingers. Bringing her left hand to my lips, I reassure my commitment to her with a kiss. Another stunning smile spreads across her face, and it melts my heart, like the warmth you get from a brilliant summer sun.

____________________

Captain Franco lands the jet at a private tarmac for Bradley Pharmaceutical Corporation. I peek out the window to see Owen waiting by a black limousine with a driver. He surveys the area several times before giving me the all clear hand signal to lead Lil down the steps towards him. “Mr. Bradley. Miss Ly,” he politely greets us with a nod of his head and a concerned expression. Lil waves ‘hello’ while shivering from the freezing wind.

I rush her into the limo to shut the cold out and then openly address Owen, who’s sitting in the front with the driver. Lil threatened that if I don’t keep her completely informed, I’ll have to deal with her wrath. Since I’m already treading on thin ice, I decide to accept her terms for now. “Owen, any news on our missing researchers?” I inquire. Owen shakes his head while giving me a subtle are you sure look through the rear mirror. “Miss Ly knows everything,” I verify. “Go ahead and give us both the update.”

“Mr. Carter thinks they may have found the homing tattoos and disabled them. The signals are loss. The only thing that we can confirm is they’re in Massachusetts somewhere,” Owen informs. “But don’t worry, I already have a team of five highly decorated ex-Navy SEALs who can track any target down. They will meet us at Steward Laboratory tomorrow morning for a quick briefing and then head out to find your missing researchers.” Lil turns to me, staring with shock and disbelief. She’s shaking her head with wide owl eyes, probably thinking, What the hell did I get myself into? I can only imagine how overwhelming this is all for her. Her mouth drops opened like she wants to say something, but she’s too stunned to speak, I’m guessing. I drape my arms around her shoulders and squeeze them gently to reassure her that I won’t let anything happen to her.

“Well done, Owen. Assembling a team together this quickly under such short notice is very impressive. Will Luke be meeting us at the penthouse? I want him with Miss Ly at all times. She’s never to be out of his sight.” The tone of my voice sounds more desperate than I want it to project. This isn’t a good time for me to lose my poise. Immediately, my overbearing demand causes her body to stiffen against mine. I’m definitely not helping my situation any with this attitude. I need to fix the damage quickly. Tilting her chin up with my index finger so our eyes are locked, I attempt to ease her concerns, “I promise it’s only temporary, Angel,” but she doesn’t buy my bullshit. Her doubts are obvious in her roaming brown eyes.

“You already promised me that once before,” she snips and folds her arms across her chest while trying to avoid looking at Owen through the rear mirror. I’m almost positive that he’s feeling like an unwanted third wheel right about now. Yes, it’s a terrible position for him to be in, but I’m glad he’s here to absorb some of Lily’s percolating heat. I know she wouldn’t be this calm if he isn’t trapped here between us.

“Lil, I understand why you’re upset, but like I said, it’s only cautionary, Angel. Please give me some time to sort this all out,” I practically beg as I attempt to hold her hand.

“Carson, do I really have a choice?” she replies bluntly and then glares out to the window on her side. For once, I’m at a loss for words. She’s absolutely right. She doesn’t have a choice—not in this matter.

Owen rotates his head to face the window on his side, avoiding any awkward eye contact via the rear mirror. I’m guessing he’s probably in shock, witnessing me yield to a woman. This is a first for me, but I don’t care if he sees my weak, vulnerable side. It doesn’t matter what I have to do to make Lily happy again.